Heard the one about the dead banker?
In an ideal world, business secretary Vince Cable would have got in trouble for the many illogical aspects of this age-old joke (why would a banker be walking on the motorway? Why would the skidmarks be “around” the cat if it is dead? Just saying!) but instead he was vilified by various financial institutions for the propriety of the gag rather than its ropey quality. Let’s show some support for Cable, with an entire 90 seconds of weak stand-up devoted to bankers:
▶ A man is stuck in traffic. He asks a police officer about the hold-up and he replies: “The head of the Bank Of England is so depressed about the economy he’s stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. So we’re taking up a collection for him.” The man asks: “How much have you got so far?” The policeman replies: “About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.”
▶ A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he found none. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “You’re a banker, right?” The young man answered, “Yes, I am.” “Well, whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”
▶ What do you call 12 bankers at the bottom of the sea with their feet in cement blocks? A good start.
▶ A man visits his bank manager and says, “How do I start a small business?” The manager replies, “Start a large one and wait six months.”
▶ Why don’t sharks attack bankers? Professional courtesy.
▶ A London banker dies in poverty and so his local pub decides to raise funds for his funeral. One day a man walks into the pub and is asked to donate 20p for the fund. “What’s it for?” he asks, and the landlord tells him. So he reaches into his pocket, hands him a £5 note and says, “Here, go and bury 25 of them.”
▶ And finally: What’s the problem with banker jokes? Bankers don’t think they’re funny, normal people don’t think they’re jokes.